Gratitude: the key to a heart of worship?

Does my heart sing with gratitude all day long? Am I living fully alive? Do I want to? 

By the time we moved here to NYC  I was so covered in false truths, lies, deceptions, hiding behind religion, and just plain hiding... that I was near total suffocation, lacking spiritual oxygen and water.  

I begged God that I needed to encounter the Real Him, to Know HIM, and not some made up version of who He is. Not the God-in-a-box most churches find easier to be around. I want to know the fierce, the Loving God who is terrifying and amazing, attractive and too Holy to be near. I want to taste and see that He is good, and to Hunger and Thirst for Him alone. I want the real deal. Weary from pretending and not really knowing where I stand, weary from lacking authenticity. 

One of the first families I met here in Brooklyn used to live in Africa. They spoke of camping out in the jungle where they could hear lions roar at night the tents had no doors. 
Could I do that? 
God is way more beautiful and fierce than the lion. And since my life is eternal, why would I be so afraid? What exactly am I trying to keep safe? 

It all started being ripped from a comfortable place, kicking and screaming, only 1/2 open to this experience.  Having seemingly no rest or peace for years and years, I felt totally ill equipped to love and call this crazy place a home.  In the midst of being in AWE and what I felt like was a semi open heart to living here at that time, I sensed the negative places brewing, the bitterness, the not seeing the good and pointing out the ugly surrounding  this city and in my heart. 

Emotions I felt like I had no control over. Wouldn't everyone feel this way? no.  

More than10 years I have been praying with seemingly little results and changes on the inside. 

The deep seeded places. 
The places where tragedy struck at an early age, the places that others intentionally harmed me on purpose, even the places that I decided to harm myself, all these torn and ripped places that have kept me from living fully alive, living fully present, and living fully grateful.  

Gratitude. could it be the key?   
Little morsels of information have led me here.  It started with the move, then little details the door opening to attend In the Living Room, He is Life, He is Life, He is Life, and Art opens the windows of hearts... were for me the take home messages I felt Kenyon Adams proposed so worshipfully (amongst many other profound understandings of Art and Culture). 

An awakening of my senses started to happen when I received a gift of membership to the Natural History Museum. Little by little I started to notice more and more the tiny overlooked details, treasures discovered,  thankfulness filled as I would see the glory of God showcased in a butterflies wings or in the 1000's of precious stones and minerals, etc etc. 

Then just walking around this city, riding the train with people from all walks of life. My eyes see the beauty of God in each and every detail of each human. 

Recently I have been able to read a lot more than ever. I just purchased a book called How to be and Explorer of the World by Keri Smith. Immediately enthralled by what she proposed, seeming so simple, what others might see as time wasters, a whole new way for me to look at art making and life. Immediately after,  I have been reading Ann Voskamp's 1000 gifts. 
Today, while reading what she was saying it was like I could take a breath for the first time ever, and my eyes were opened. 

How much of a coincidence is it that I read these two books back to back? or that even one of Ann's examples of her thankfulness  was seeing seemingly meaningless details that pleased her in the moment, like the details of soap bubbles  (number 362. suds all color in sun) on top a glass and all the colors in the sun. 

{Didn't I just post an instagram picture of that exact same thing the other day!!!? } see below 

I am only in the middle of the book, but am so thankful for her struggle through this process of having gratitude for taking the time with conviction and commitment to write down and recognize the little 'loves' and little moments that she finds beautiful, and little details in life that she finds enjoyable and is thankful for. Looking forward to reading the pages ahead. And looking forward to my own journey of Gratitude ahead. 

That process for Ann Voskamp has ushered in a kind of newness and an open heart to love, worship,  beauty, feeling, and being alive that no other thing could do. Ann quotes several verses to back up what she has discovered about this process and her walk with Christ, so I will get those for you for sure! For now I need to go cook dinner!!

Dear Ann,  I have never once heard someone really acknowledge and explain so well what happens to a heart when tragedy strikes so early in life. As you explained in losing your little sister to a horrible accident that left the whole family with terrible grief for many years to come, how tempting it was for you, for the rest of your days to wake up and see only the holes in life and the things wrong and the things that seemed off or missing. I just want you to know that for my entire life, since my mother tragically died when I was 3,  this is what I have struggled with too, its just that, no one has connected those dots for me ever before until today.  

 Join me day by day. I am all in. Gratitude. 

signed,  

Blest in Brooklyn. 

2014, We have 365 days ahead...

2014 
I welcome you.

For now, a video slideshow, just some highlights from a year's worth of instagram pics (our first year in NYC). The slide show took me two days to make, and I finally narrowed it down to 9 minutes, hope you enjoy!



2013 year endnumber2small from kimberly on Vimeo.



Four big things I learned in 2013

1. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it._ c.s. Lewis

2. Jesus is Life and my life is hidden in Him alone. He restores the Human calling.

3. Art is not Free and is the most valuable thing that God uses to open the hearts of people.

4. God's voice stills you, leads you, Reassures you, Enlightens, Encourages you, Comforts you, Calms you, Convicts you.

See talent in NYC with me...

Today has been all about people taking time to share their ARTS and talents in the Subway tunnels and on the train, in Barnes and Noble, and out on the streets! Thoroughly exhausted now, it has been my final hours of navigating and hiking and climbing a million stairs in this web of a city Christmas shopping for my family! I am done!!! Whoop. 

Graced with no musical talent, I am always happy to be in the presence of the ones who are.  Tom Swafford showed off his fiddling with some good ole' bluegrass-y Christmas tunes.  I thought I might have danced if I had cloggin' shoes on. 

IMG 3529 from kimberly on Vimeo.

This is why the arts are so important for artists share. It really is therapy!!! Helping calm raging lunatics, and basic frustrations during a bout of delayed soon to be sardine train syndrome. 

When I finally made it to Union Square, at the Barnes and Noble kid section, heard and had to find or follow the most amazing singing I have ever heard. This voice was so captivating, that I followed the sounds until I the guy stocking and sorting in the back room with the door opened. This man needs to be discovered, and He certainly will I am sure of that. Amen. ( no, I didn't get a video, but next time I will have the nerve to ask him. ) 

Today I also was graced this... quite interesting ensemble, the eclectic instrument one man show. Never seen anything quite like it,  and just for the record, the song is not my fav, he is definitely not on the top of my list musically, but I just stood there and couldn't pull myself away due to the sheer awe of what I was witnessing. 

Honestly, though, I will never have the desire to do that again. But there will be plenty others who will stop for him next time. 

IMG 3530 from kimberly on Vimeo.

Yesterday it was AnthonyThomaz, a mixture between pop and rap. Super talented duo, awarded  a roaring applause on one particular song which is a rare thing to see stranded and frustrated humanity actually show approval for a band in their midst.  

So that was AnthonyThomaz and 

this is Najah. 

This past Friday, I didn't get a video of this young woman, but she rocked 14th street Brooklyn Bound with a capital R. The whole tunnel roared with applause as she belted out one of Katy Perry's tunes.. check Najah out here ( I didn't take this video obviously). SOOO talented, and again, so grateful for the artists who take the time to come down to the tunnels to help us all out! 

Monday, was one of my worst transportation days, It was a long series of a subway stop being blocked by a police investigation, me getting off and getting on a wrong bus and when I finally made it to the train walking three avenues with two bags of heavy groceries, after entering the wrong side of the tunnel, I heard this trio playing classical music far down the way. I walked as swiftly as my feet could at that point. set my bags down and tripped right onto the subway floor. 

This wonderful trio, by sharing their gifts, kind of saved my sanity at that moment. (sending them thanks). 

As wonderful as all that was, I only managed to go out only on the days that were the absolute most bitter cold. So the musicians that were around really helped get me through to the next place. 

This weekend it's going to be 65 degrees! If I had waited until now to shop,  the probability of being squished by a sea of shoppers, and waiting in really long long lines is probably much greater than getting hit by huge flying umbrellas. 

(and if you missed that story, I was hit in the head on Saturday at 3pm with a street vendors umbrella flying through the air and I am suffering with a mild concussion, learning just how fragile we really are).

Although, having so much to do for the family, I am trying not to leave the house without some form of art making tools. 

 I did bring my heavy camera (cursing it at about hour 4, but very thankful and grateful for it too!!) and I did capture some of those near timeless, or "time-travelish" type of images I am enjoying finding ( kind of like a treasure hunt) 

enjoy!

Snow of all things sparked this process the other day, I was just trying to focus and take pictures of the snow and to see if I could capture that feeling in a two dimensional image of being in the falling snow, to see if that were possible. 

A simple beginning. 

Living here as a new-all-my-life-southerner-introvert is a bit like walking around in a movie that I am watching, except I don't know the characters, and I a have no idea what the plot is. Nonetheless, I feel like I am on the outside looking in. 

If I can keep creating, when I do I feel extremely happy, connected to my environment and joyful regardless of random feelings of total anonymity and isolation . 

What jumps out at me daily as a loner observer of this great city is often a connection to the past stays present and in my face.

One, blatantly obvious reasons of this is of course the buildings, details, parks, trains, the past is just everywhere. Second, there is a whole lot of young people who are dressing a bit Clark Kent and a bit 1890 around here, and it is those times when the two meet, the vintage attire and look, and the details or just a location that is so close to what it used to be, all of the sudden for a split second, I feel like I have just time traveled. 

I feel images as I am making them, and somehow almost telepathically, what I am feeling comes through. I am standing in the middle of what was the past, now the present, but but almost unchanged at times like being in central park where only the road material has changed.  
With that connection, I'm also feeling the snow hit my face, my nose getting cold,  feeling my toes starting to freeze, looking around at the environment, walking through this nostalgia, the images I picked here, to me possess a timelessness. Maybe its because I am on page 253 and deeply engulfed in and being influenced by the story of Time and Again by Jack Finney.  Based in NYC and the whole plot is about time travel. And maybe that and the discovery today of the Dakota (by accident) not really sure. One thing is for sure, when I read that book, I feel a connection to his reality, when he was in the present and the past. 

there must have been a road here at one point in history. would be interesting to find out. 

(this is a selfie... try to find me )

Oh, and I  was able to paint this week! So fun and so far 3 offers to buy.. here are some examples:

http://evolve.minted.com/

Black Friday 20% off Photo cards.. click here for the savings


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Planes, Trains and Birthdays...

Yesterday was a crazy day indeed. 

Waking up in Raleigh NC in my old neighborhood for three days in a row is always interesting. I mean, driving through there you wouldn't think a single thing has changed in 6 years. Even the cars in the driveways are parked in the same places, only one house is being reconstructed to look completely different, and I am sure will be AMAZING inside and out!

Reminded while I was staying there, in the quiet changeless almost motionless, remembering having the same feelings and thoughts before the move like nothing changes here. Every year it sort of feels like an extension of the last year, & wondering if people just move to Lakemont to settle in to a comfortable routine until they get older, staying til the end is in sight.

When living there, I noticed the original owners would live there their whole lives, then periodically I would see a slow ambulance with lights on low driving up to a random house, soon that same house would be emptied by an estate sale,  then sold to a potential visionary of modern sensibilities.
They too settling into comfort, a cycle that starts to repeat.

There is a quiet beauty in this process or cycle, I even think so, & for me, comfort and perceived protection is always attractive. But as an artist, I struggled with it every day, and wasn't sure it was for me!! That is another blog post entirely!! I'll revisit this someday.

Back to not seeking comfort, also, back to waking up in Raleigh yesterday, It was a crazy day sleeping fully clothed on the star wars bed, after a fantastic hard to end conversation with Jen, falling asleep at 1am with a 5 am wake up call was a dangerous thing for me. Anyone who knows me well, knows that once I am in a deep sleep, I will sleep through a fire alarm, and I have a tendency to over look a detail like setting the alarm for AM or PM.  I figured I had better be ready to jump up and go as is, and to make my rest as uncomfortable as possible. I do believe it worked well.

One delay would could devastate my baby girl. Why did I choose to travel on my daughter's birthday!!!???  So, as tempted as I was to take the $300 credit for the over booked flights I was on yesterday, there was a little girl waiting to celebrate and no amount of money or credits were worth that delay for me.

So first things first, I must let this child know how much she means to me and I am so thankful for her and my son Ellis. They are such a delight! Happy Birthday Lia!!! I can't believe you are 9 already!!! I still remember your little snuggle head on the day we came home from the hospital with you. You add spunk and a creative energy in our home that is simply delightful, ever changing amazingness!!

Rewinding now:

Back to talking about the traveling from NY to Raleigh: 

This process has started to feel like a regular part of my life, the journey begins by lugging two heavy suitcases in the early morning while it is still dark out down three flights of stairs, then rolling them down the street two blocks. We proceed (T and I) to lug the suitcases down three more flights of stairs to the train. I get on the F (which this particular trip included a at 5:30 in the morning already drunk man hitting on me and falling into me when he was failing to hold on to the rail as the train took off)  to the A to Penn Station, go in buy my round trip to the air port, jump on the NJ transit, then the Air train to my terminal. (exhausted from reading this yet? If I can figure this out you can)

Then, once to the gate, I grab a coffee, and jump on board. Usually a layover in Chicago or Nashville, we stop there and after grabbing some lunch I'm back on the plane to Raleigh. Relieved to be off the plane, I get the checked bag and wait for the rental bus shuttle to take me to enterprise, pick up the car and, amazingly, I am back in Raleigh and it feels like I never left!!! I know where everything is, and I know where to go and for what, like nothing has changed.
But the truth is, with every trip there,  something does change. That something is me.

Its like making snowballs when it snows just enough to work with it and make a snowman, where when you roll the sticky snow on the ground and things just get caught up in the process and you look at the snowball and their is mud, trash, sticks and grass all stuck in the snow ( or at least that was how it was in Raleigh and Memphis). 

In a similar way, as I go, I encounter people, books and experiences that I am fully aware change me on the inside. 

This trip I read an entire novel, met a singer/songwriter with a Ukulele, sweet girl who worked at Disney, a positive thinker/business owner who just happened into a pest control business and now owns her own plane, an ex-football player who I think might have also been famous at one point because he looked familiar and I was too chicken to ask him, a non-profit business owner that works solely in a humanitarian business and lives 1/2 time in the Congo in Africa, and I had long conversations with two old friends that was like water to my soul, ate two meals that were to die for ( thanks Jen and Anson ) held two precious little babies straight from heaven, and was invited into the real lives of those I sometimes see as perfect. I can say for certain that this trip was filled with significance, and if I am open to it, a deep heart change.  Grateful for it all!!!

The trip back to NYC consists of the reverse from above sans T's help getting up the stairs with two suitcases.  ( don't miss that, yes, I lug the suitcases up 6 long flights of stairs and am a sweaty mess by the end) 

This time, As I felt a release from my heart,  I was actually looking forward to being back here and maybe that means my mind is finally giving birth to a new acceptance of this place as my home. For now, I will take that and am over the top excited about what this means. 

Pictures from this weekend to come. I am taking the next 3 months to create. Paint. and Photograph. Stay tuned for way more adventures. Please if you are the praying type,  pray with me for clarity, for opportunity, and for a way to bring in revenue for this venture. Until next time...

warmly,

Kimberly

Blest on a Sunday

When We moved to the city, as you might assume, I suffered a bit of shell shock and culture shock adjusting to a new culture and I made some hasty what-seemed-like-a-good-decison-at-the-time kind of choices on what I was going to be doing with my time and my business.

A regular Sunday.


A typical Sunday living in NYC from kimberly on Vimeo.



One of those decisions was to blog at least 3 times a week about what all I was learning and seeing and the different places I was discovering. Seeing this city with a fresh set of eyes, and a refreshing perspective is what I had to offer at the time.

WELL, lets see, um, the blogging 3 times a week, as you can clearly see, that actually didn't happen at all.

LIFE was all I could handle for a the first several months being here. Amongst ALL the AMAZING and the good stuff there were colossal melt downs and minor emotional crises along the way.
Recovering now. On the upward swing and so thankful!!

What I wish I could have learned many many years ago, and to have put into practice years ago are:

To take one day at a time and don't make any big or small decisions out of fear EVER! Ask God to give us our daily bread and mean that. For me NOT to try to plan the BIG PICTURE but to work hard each day letting what passion God placed there lead the small action steps I take. Stay on a good honorable path, love all people equally, care of your neighbor and God will lead you to the places you need to be.

Learning that the life God chooses for us is better in NYC because he himself chose it for us, and if I open my eyes and heart, letting go of what I have always known, his choice is way way better.

So this is where where I am, daily choosing to love, to relax and trust, to make small decisions, and to take action little by little and most of all to take deep breaths and enjoy the moments and people and beauty here.  

Recently, my husband (T) has discovered imovie for some work related projects, last night, we had fun editing this video together. 


Our first clip, this first footage is raw, choppy, interesting, but not really all that exciting. Now that we know what we are wanting to film, things can only get way better from here.

Little bits about the video since there is little to no words involved...

We get to attend Tim Keller's church (one of the most profound Christian thinkers in the world) Which is AMAZING so it is not by any means"regular" but it feels kind of normal to us now, like a regular process of our new lives.

The reason we chose attending there instead of staying with the Gallery Church which we still love and care for all the people there, was because of our kids needing children's ministry with strong leaders. So we miss the Gallery's community a ton as we choose what is best for the kids, it seems also to be the best for our growth and understand at this time too.   

Honestly, when Keller is speaking, there is a tangible concentration in the room all round us as the whole church ponders over and brain chews on what he is saying about Christ. It takes all my brain power to dig into what he is saying is true sometimes. Completely Amazing. So for this season of life, this is where we are. Wishing I could somehow mix the amazing community of the Gallery with the needs of the children together!! 

We shop at Trader Joe's for their simple ingredients and prices, but we have to trek across town with heavy bags to do so. 

Amsterdam Ave is one of our very favorite streets and areas. Love it!! 

Our kids ride scooters everywhere. And there is always waiting and a bit of strife here and there btwn the siblings.


We have been living here (My husband for 11 months), I and the kids for 10 months, and is it weird that I measure our time in Mayonnaise? We have made many friends, seen some move away already, Had three visitors, visited around 5 churches, gone through around 6 Trader Joe's mayonnaise jars (that's a lot of sandwiches), seen our friends Brian and Erica twice. Met around 15 Tennesseans, 5 North Carolinians, Lia's gone through about 2000 pieces of paper, deep cleaned our apartment around 7 or 8 times, and I have been to the MET now around 5-6 times, the MOMA 3 times, Columbus Circle around 30 times or more, and as my position and frame of mind is not on as wobbly shock effected territory as it once was, it could be a good time to start this blog thing after all.

My husband, whom I greatly admire, has a completely different style of writing, completely different very interesting perspective, so I have asked him if he would also blog here once a week, and he said he would be happy to! 

Stay tuned!