Gratitude: the key to a heart of worship?

Does my heart sing with gratitude all day long? Am I living fully alive? Do I want to? 

By the time we moved here to NYC  I was so covered in false truths, lies, deceptions, hiding behind religion, and just plain hiding... that I was near total suffocation, lacking spiritual oxygen and water.  

I begged God that I needed to encounter the Real Him, to Know HIM, and not some made up version of who He is. Not the God-in-a-box most churches find easier to be around. I want to know the fierce, the Loving God who is terrifying and amazing, attractive and too Holy to be near. I want to taste and see that He is good, and to Hunger and Thirst for Him alone. I want the real deal. Weary from pretending and not really knowing where I stand, weary from lacking authenticity. 

One of the first families I met here in Brooklyn used to live in Africa. They spoke of camping out in the jungle where they could hear lions roar at night the tents had no doors. 
Could I do that? 
God is way more beautiful and fierce than the lion. And since my life is eternal, why would I be so afraid? What exactly am I trying to keep safe? 

It all started being ripped from a comfortable place, kicking and screaming, only 1/2 open to this experience.  Having seemingly no rest or peace for years and years, I felt totally ill equipped to love and call this crazy place a home.  In the midst of being in AWE and what I felt like was a semi open heart to living here at that time, I sensed the negative places brewing, the bitterness, the not seeing the good and pointing out the ugly surrounding  this city and in my heart. 

Emotions I felt like I had no control over. Wouldn't everyone feel this way? no.  

More than10 years I have been praying with seemingly little results and changes on the inside. 

The deep seeded places. 
The places where tragedy struck at an early age, the places that others intentionally harmed me on purpose, even the places that I decided to harm myself, all these torn and ripped places that have kept me from living fully alive, living fully present, and living fully grateful.  

Gratitude. could it be the key?   
Little morsels of information have led me here.  It started with the move, then little details the door opening to attend In the Living Room, He is Life, He is Life, He is Life, and Art opens the windows of hearts... were for me the take home messages I felt Kenyon Adams proposed so worshipfully (amongst many other profound understandings of Art and Culture). 

An awakening of my senses started to happen when I received a gift of membership to the Natural History Museum. Little by little I started to notice more and more the tiny overlooked details, treasures discovered,  thankfulness filled as I would see the glory of God showcased in a butterflies wings or in the 1000's of precious stones and minerals, etc etc. 

Then just walking around this city, riding the train with people from all walks of life. My eyes see the beauty of God in each and every detail of each human. 

Recently I have been able to read a lot more than ever. I just purchased a book called How to be and Explorer of the World by Keri Smith. Immediately enthralled by what she proposed, seeming so simple, what others might see as time wasters, a whole new way for me to look at art making and life. Immediately after,  I have been reading Ann Voskamp's 1000 gifts. 
Today, while reading what she was saying it was like I could take a breath for the first time ever, and my eyes were opened. 

How much of a coincidence is it that I read these two books back to back? or that even one of Ann's examples of her thankfulness  was seeing seemingly meaningless details that pleased her in the moment, like the details of soap bubbles  (number 362. suds all color in sun) on top a glass and all the colors in the sun. 

{Didn't I just post an instagram picture of that exact same thing the other day!!!? } see below 

I am only in the middle of the book, but am so thankful for her struggle through this process of having gratitude for taking the time with conviction and commitment to write down and recognize the little 'loves' and little moments that she finds beautiful, and little details in life that she finds enjoyable and is thankful for. Looking forward to reading the pages ahead. And looking forward to my own journey of Gratitude ahead. 

That process for Ann Voskamp has ushered in a kind of newness and an open heart to love, worship,  beauty, feeling, and being alive that no other thing could do. Ann quotes several verses to back up what she has discovered about this process and her walk with Christ, so I will get those for you for sure! For now I need to go cook dinner!!

Dear Ann,  I have never once heard someone really acknowledge and explain so well what happens to a heart when tragedy strikes so early in life. As you explained in losing your little sister to a horrible accident that left the whole family with terrible grief for many years to come, how tempting it was for you, for the rest of your days to wake up and see only the holes in life and the things wrong and the things that seemed off or missing. I just want you to know that for my entire life, since my mother tragically died when I was 3,  this is what I have struggled with too, its just that, no one has connected those dots for me ever before until today.  

 Join me day by day. I am all in. Gratitude. 

signed,  

Blest in Brooklyn. 

2014, We have 365 days ahead...

2014 
I welcome you.

For now, a video slideshow, just some highlights from a year's worth of instagram pics (our first year in NYC). The slide show took me two days to make, and I finally narrowed it down to 9 minutes, hope you enjoy!



2013 year endnumber2small from kimberly on Vimeo.



Four big things I learned in 2013

1. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it._ c.s. Lewis

2. Jesus is Life and my life is hidden in Him alone. He restores the Human calling.

3. Art is not Free and is the most valuable thing that God uses to open the hearts of people.

4. God's voice stills you, leads you, Reassures you, Enlightens, Encourages you, Comforts you, Calms you, Convicts you.

A whole new world.

Brooklyn, through the eyes of a newbie: 
So, be real with me, you've always wanted to live in Brooklyn or NYC haven't you? Remember those dreams? OR some of you DID live here or in Manhattan when you 20 something! You met your husband/wife here and now you've moved somewhere in the suburbs to a house on a quiet out-of-the-way cul-de-sac. Your house is cute, you love sipping on beers on Saturday nights on your back porch with your best friends next door? Barbecuing while you watch your kids jump on the trampoline together.  All the while, memories of brooklyn haunt you, and somewhere in your heart you miss it don't you? You were done, you were too old so you traded the life here for space. If you stayed wouldn't have the yard or garage to work in. 

How would you raise your kids in Brooklyn or NYC? Who could do that? Now you have to drive to get to civilization now that you are in the burbs? But you're okay with that now, now that you're old right? You don't need all that hassel of taking your laundry to a Mat and lugging your groceries up four flights of stairs and running up and down stairs on your commute. Good news, you don't have to live here to see this city again...

Now, you get to be here every week if you like, just by following our journey! I will bring this city to life for you right from your living room, how's that for awesome?

I'm telling you, there is something about this place and I need to find all that it has to offer and what it is that God has for us here. Lets discover what that is together as I learn to love it here through the lens of my camera and through the people I meet, food we discover, art we find and the community here in PS. 

Today, I decided 4 things. 
1: "take each day as it comes." Papaw
2: "put one foot in front of the other and take one breath at a time,    then discover what I encounter." a paraphrased quote I heard somewhere
3: Focus on the beauty right around me, never letting the negative or Ugly or the past get in the way. my own thoughts. 

So today I walked from Union to Third and back up to 7th just to see what I would see. This was the first thing that struck my eye. Someone took the time to make this crazy wall structure around a tree. from far away it looked dilapidated and ugly, but if you zoomed in, you could see the artists vision of beauty. 

This street was gorgeous, love the brownstones, and this guy made me giggle, his hair flopped up and down as he jogged. 

I love some of the details that people put into their homes. Some, I love not-so-much

Like these details, hello... anyone home? Who thinks this is a great design combo and enhances the hood and value of the home? blahk. I am sure those railings cost a fortune and the awnings and door, but wowzers. 

cute garden, but this empty space is worth over a mil and a half. I love green spaces, but If I were Annie, I am just saying. 

Will be revisiting this business that I happend upon. A Niche market business that is doing well here. Seems to have a strong story and heart behind their business. Can't wait to find out more. 

I love brownstone doors.. love all the architectural elements and the spring additions!!!  

I see lots of style, and yes, each day I blog I will have a style watch comparison, so watch out for it! What do you think? a, b or c?  

Hello beautiful cathedral right down the street. 

It is places like Sweet Melissa's that draw me in. I am always fascinated with certain businesses and why some are so inviting and some are cold and non-welcoming at first glance.  Just the colors, the window display design, the flowers, the chalk board.. the wood door, all make me want to go in and see what's inside. 

Loved the inviting store front and would love to know more about Sweet Melissa's 

Inside a mural.. very cute. Must be of the original store front on Court Street. 

Another amazing business. Imagine, it has been in business for over a 100 years, and potentially in the same location? not sure. But this business store window design was rather vintage and stately.  

As I am walking around the city, it is inevitable that I accidentally eavesdrop on other people's conversations.   

this is what I am hearing... people are either wanting more money, needing more things, grieving a loss, pissed off at a roommate or boyfriend, hating a neighbor, sorrowful for a loss, & oblivious too into shopping. There is almost always a common thread... that each conversation that I hear has something to do with either money or getting more things, more prestige, power, better position etc. 

I haven't heard anyone's conversations where the person sounds completely satisfied right where they are. (I know that they're are those of you out there, so no judgment from me about it, it is just what I have heard so far). 

  
I did pass a woman by the other day, she lived on one of those dreamy do die for brownstone streets, she walked out on her stoop to just smell her lovely flowers that were immaculately kept in perfect design and harmony. As I passed her by, two thoughts occurred to me, first, I thought to myself, ooooh, she looks happy. She's woman in her late 50's, living in one of the most beautiful homes yet, did not appear to have plastic surgery and or any hair dies or such. Not sure she even had on make up. She let her hair turn gray and wiry, yet she was wearing fine linen garments and seemed to float when she walked toward her flowers. I peered into her beautifully sophisticated and simplistic home and I did feel just a tinge of envy. How do you get there, floating in Linen I thought.  
It happens so quickly. Those thoughts, the covet ones.  But this is a subject for another day. Am I content right where I am? Putting one foot in front of the other, waiting on God's best for me? To be continued.