Waking up in Raleigh NC in my old neighborhood for three days in a row is always interesting. I mean, driving through there you wouldn't think a single thing has changed in 6 years. Even the cars in the driveways are parked in the same places, only one house is being reconstructed to look completely different, and I am sure will be AMAZING inside and out!
Reminded while I was staying there, in the quiet changeless almost motionless, remembering having the same feelings and thoughts before the move like nothing changes here. Every year it sort of feels like an extension of the last year, & wondering if people just move to Lakemont to settle in to a comfortable routine until they get older, staying til the end is in sight.
When living there, I noticed the original owners would live there their whole lives, then periodically I would see a slow ambulance with lights on low driving up to a random house, soon that same house would be emptied by an estate sale, then sold to a potential visionary of modern sensibilities.
They too settling into comfort, a cycle that starts to repeat.
There is a quiet beauty in this process or cycle, I even think so, & for me, comfort and perceived protection is always attractive. But as an artist, I struggled with it every day, and wasn't sure it was for me!! That is another blog post entirely!! I'll revisit this someday.
Back to not seeking comfort, also, back to waking up in Raleigh yesterday, It was a crazy day sleeping fully clothed on the star wars bed, after a fantastic hard to end conversation with Jen, falling asleep at 1am with a 5 am wake up call was a dangerous thing for me. Anyone who knows me well, knows that once I am in a deep sleep, I will sleep through a fire alarm, and I have a tendency to over look a detail like setting the alarm for AM or PM. I figured I had better be ready to jump up and go as is, and to make my rest as uncomfortable as possible. I do believe it worked well.
One delay would could devastate my baby girl. Why did I choose to travel on my daughter's birthday!!!??? So, as tempted as I was to take the $300 credit for the over booked flights I was on yesterday, there was a little girl waiting to celebrate and no amount of money or credits were worth that delay for me.
So first things first, I must let this child know how much she means to me and I am so thankful for her and my son Ellis. They are such a delight! Happy Birthday Lia!!! I can't believe you are 9 already!!! I still remember your little snuggle head on the day we came home from the hospital with you. You add spunk and a creative energy in our home that is simply delightful, ever changing amazingness!!
Rewinding now:
Back to talking about the traveling from NY to Raleigh:
This process has started to feel like a regular part of my life, the journey begins by lugging two heavy suitcases in the early morning while it is still dark out down three flights of stairs, then rolling them down the street two blocks. We proceed (T and I) to lug the suitcases down three more flights of stairs to the train. I get on the F (which this particular trip included a at 5:30 in the morning already drunk man hitting on me and falling into me when he was failing to hold on to the rail as the train took off) to the A to Penn Station, go in buy my round trip to the air port, jump on the NJ transit, then the Air train to my terminal. (exhausted from reading this yet? If I can figure this out you can)
Then, once to the gate, I grab a coffee, and jump on board. Usually a layover in Chicago or Nashville, we stop there and after grabbing some lunch I'm back on the plane to Raleigh. Relieved to be off the plane, I get the checked bag and wait for the rental bus shuttle to take me to enterprise, pick up the car and, amazingly, I am back in Raleigh and it feels like I never left!!! I know where everything is, and I know where to go and for what, like nothing has changed.
But the truth is, with every trip there, something does change. That something is me.
Its like making snowballs when it snows just enough to work with it and make a snowman, where when you roll the sticky snow on the ground and things just get caught up in the process and you look at the snowball and their is mud, trash, sticks and grass all stuck in the snow ( or at least that was how it was in Raleigh and Memphis).
In a similar way, as I go, I encounter people, books and experiences that I am fully aware change me on the inside.
This trip I read an entire novel, met a singer/songwriter with a Ukulele, sweet girl who worked at Disney, a positive thinker/business owner who just happened into a pest control business and now owns her own plane, an ex-football player who I think might have also been famous at one point because he looked familiar and I was too chicken to ask him, a non-profit business owner that works solely in a humanitarian business and lives 1/2 time in the Congo in Africa, and I had long conversations with two old friends that was like water to my soul, ate two meals that were to die for ( thanks Jen and Anson ) held two precious little babies straight from heaven, and was invited into the real lives of those I sometimes see as perfect. I can say for certain that this trip was filled with significance, and if I am open to it, a deep heart change. Grateful for it all!!!
The trip back to NYC consists of the reverse from above sans T's help getting up the stairs with two suitcases. ( don't miss that, yes, I lug the suitcases up 6 long flights of stairs and am a sweaty mess by the end)
This time, As I felt a release from my heart, I was actually looking forward to being back here and maybe that means my mind is finally giving birth to a new acceptance of this place as my home. For now, I will take that and am over the top excited about what this means.
Pictures from this weekend to come. I am taking the next 3 months to create. Paint. and Photograph. Stay tuned for way more adventures. Please if you are the praying type, pray with me for clarity, for opportunity, and for a way to bring in revenue for this venture. Until next time...warmly,
Kimberly
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